An Affair to Remember

An Affair to Remember

2 Chronicles 15:4
4 But in their distress they turned to the LORD, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them.

I’m totally in love with my husband, but his mistress is coming between us. It’s because of his mistress that I am contemplating an affair with my pastor.

I know it sounds drastic, but this is my marriage at stake. I’m not sure there is anything else that will get my husband’s attention. I do have a plan. If it works my husband will never even know that I’m having an affair with my pastor. My husband won’t notice after all he has his mistress to occupy his time.

I’ve been screaming for my husband’s attention for what seems like forever. But he seems to have become deaf to my voice. But my pastor he’s different. All anyone in the congregation has to do is whimper. He hears their cries, drops everything and runs to their side. He gives them just enough attention to leave them glassy eyed and starring at him with total adoration. So if my husband does not hear my screams, maybe my pastor will hear my whimper. I already catch myself starring at him glassy eyed and adoringly.

This wasn’t an easy decision. But I’m not sure what else to do. If I let you in on a little secret do you promise not to tell my husband? You see if you tell, he’ll find out about the affair. My pastor, he already knows my feelings for him. I’ve told him I love him a million times. So I don’t think he’ll find my advances a surprise. You have to understand that my pastor is my husband and his mistress is the ministry.

Maybe I’m the only pastor’s wife who feels this way. I believe that if the ministry is your husbands true calling it will never be any other way. Ministry is his passion. It’s that passion that makes ministry his mistress. I can only scream for so long before I start to become hoarse and don’t want to scream anymore. I know that as much of a calling as it is for my husband to be a pastor, it’s my calling to be his wife. And because of this it hurts when I have to take second, third or fourth place to what is happening in the church. I desperately want some of that passion directed toward me.

I’m not talking about his relationship with God. I expect to be second to God. I would not have that any other way. Our marriage and ministry would not work if it were in any other order. But I don’t want to be second to the business of ministry. I love our ministry, but I will be the first to admit that sometimes I am very jealous of the ministry. At times I even resent the business of ministry.

You see the problem is I love my husband. Only God could love him more. But I hate the fact that I have to share so much of his time. Here’s the kicker. It’s not the ministries fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not God’s fault and it’s not even my husband’s fault, there is no one to blame. It just is what it is, ministry.

I have also decided to become a parishioner. I know that he will drop everything and come to my aide at a moments notice.

Over and over I’ve been considering the fact that I may be a selfish little brat wanting the world to revolve around me. I know in my heart that it is not about me, and what I want, it is about God and what He wants. God wants my husband to be a pastor and so do I. God also wants my husband to be my husband. I just think my husband has lost sight of the husband calling and run full speed ahead with the pastor calling. Knowing that my passion is to be the pastor’s wife I will support him and follow right along quietly, until I loose sight of me.

So when it gets down to brass tacks the real problem is… I love my husband. Whole-heartedly, hopelessly, passionately, 100% devoted to him and the ministry God has given him. And I just want him to love me whole-heartedly, hopelessly, passionately, and be as devoted to me as he is to the ministry. I want to be the recipient of some of his passion. I don’t want the left over spent husband that ministry often leaves me. He was my husband first!

Now you know the selfish side of me. But there is another side. It’s the side that understands my role as the pastor’s wife. God did not create me to be the pastor. He created me to be his wife, partner, help mate, lover, confidante, support, shelter, protector and all the other things in the job description. And if I do this for my husband, God will be the same to me. As the pastor my husband carries all the secrets and burdens of the parishioners whom he councils. So I never want to add to the stress. I want to be a source of stress relief. Not an additional burden.

Yet the truth is I need my husband. I need him to be my best friend, my boyfriend, my support, shelter, protector, lover; I need him to be my husband. But when he comes home his emotional sponge has been rung out and saturated everyone else. So when he walks through the door at the end of the night there are no emotions left. So as the pastor’s wife I invest all my energy resaturating his emotional sponge of support. Being a fulltime working mother, completely involved in the ministry God has given my husband this whole cycle leaves me feeling empty and unfulfilled. Who is saturating my emotional sponge?

Enter God, the One who created me to be my husband’s wife, calling me to be the pastor’s wife. God has a lot of names, and Emotional Sponge Saturator is not mentioned anywhere in the bible. Yet the promises of everything I could ever need are given to me by God in the bible. I have gone to many women’s conferences and am tired of the cliché and hearing how God fills in the gaps when they are missing the affections of their Pastor husband. I know that God fills in the gaps, He say’s He will. But the truth is sometimes I don’t want God to fill in the gaps I want my husband to build bridges. I think we all do. Sometimes we expect too much from our husbands and not enough from God. The bible, God’s very word, His continuous love letter to us tells us so.



He is my love…..
1 John 4:8
8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

My friend…..
John 15:15
15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

My security….
Psalm 18:2
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.

My peace….
Psalm 29:11
11The LORD will give (A)strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with (B)peace.

I’m the one He adores….
Zechariah 2:8
8 For this is what the LORD Almighty says: "After he has honored me and has sent me against the nations that have plundered you-for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye-

My deliver…
Psalm 34:17
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.

My comfort when I feel alone and afraid….
Deut. 31:6
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

The lifter of my head…
Isaiah 40:31
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

My everything….
Eph. 1:23
23which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

I know all of these statements to be true, because the Bible tells me they are. And I believe the Bible is Gods word, because my heart tells me so.
I have been to many women’s ministry events and they tell me these verses over and over. They drill these statements into my head, telling me that everything in ministry is fine. Looking down their noses at me with perfect little pastor’s wives smiles. Then I find myself feeling less than adequate or irritated. I am a pastor’s wife and know that ministry is not always a bed of roses. Often ministry resembles a bed of roses whose blossoms have all been snipped leaving me lying in a bed of thorns. The worst part is these happy little Stepford pastor’s wives leave me feeling guilty about my feelings. And they fail to give me a solution to the problem, except to quote me more verses.

What I have had to confess to myself is that I have total head knowledge of God being all things to me. But I have had a hard time making these things heart knowledge. It’s not that I don’t want the heart knowledge. I’ve come to the conclusion that I feel if I let my head knowledge become heart knowledge I will be enabling my husband to sneak out of his commitment to me. Letting him slide at being the earthly husband God called him to be. After all even the most perfect husband could not achieve the perfection of God as a husband. I do know that God can meet all my needs emotionally, physically and financially. But I want to be selfish expecting my husband to be able to meet all my needs.

What it all boils down to is, because I’m totally in love with my husband I get tired of having to share him, and just getting the left over him at the end of the day. God gave him to me and he is mine

So as I contemplate the affair with my pastor, please don’t tell my husband. And until I can figure out how to have the affair without my husband knowing, I guess I will have to have an affair with God. That way my head knowledge will have no choice but to become my heart knowledge.